Brrrrrrrrring ring...

As I announced a wee while ago, we're now up and running with Skype. After a great deal of huffing and puffing, we also now have voicemail.

This means that at any hour of any day, you can leave us a message for us to play during our show. It could be a question you want us to answer, a message of adulation, a fact, anything you like really.

If you don't yet know about Skype however, here's what to do -

1. Click the green "leave me voicemail" button you see on the right of the blog (or click here). If you already have Skype, this will take you to your account and you can simply leave us your message for free. If you've not downloaded Skpye before, it will take you to Skype's free download page, and you'll just follow the instructions there.

2. Once you've downloaded Skype, you can make us one of your contacts by using the 'find people' button on your account, type in fortheloveofglasgow, add us as a contact and give us a call to leave your message, again for free.

3. Listen to the next show and see if we play it on air!

If you don't have an inbuilt or external microphone for your computer, just Google it and you can pick one up very cheaply (to record the show we only use a USB mic, worth less than £10!). Once you have a microphone and Skype, you can call anyone else you know with a Skype account, anywhere in the world for free, so it's worth it even just to save on the phone bill!

We're looking forward to your call!...

Glasgow goes pure Skype man

Continuing on this social networking rollercoaster, in the last week I've been working on bringing all you wacky listeners a little closer by downloading and learning all about Skype.

The long and the short of it is that we've now got a Skype account, and in a few days we'll have voicemail capability.

This means that pretty soon you'll be able to call our number if you have Skype (which is free to download) and a microphone on your computer, and leave a message which we'll be able to magically record and play during the show.

So start thinking about what you want us to yap about. Any questions, gripes about life, anything you like - at the very least, given the disaster that befell us on Tuesday for The Eleventh show, it'll mean we'll have something to fill up the time!

Once we're all up and running I'll let you all know the number to call.

Rrrrriiiiiing ring...

The mics are here - long live the mics!

Well, I've finally got my hands on the microphones.

(cue the charcoal gasps of disappointment...)

I ended up having to collect them yesterday evening at a depot in Bellshill, and having relied on Google maps (schoolboy error) got completely lost along the way. To be frank, taking a scenic tour of Cambuslang and Blantyre in the impending darkness isn't my idea of fun, not least because for the entire journey I was in dire need to go for a wee streamie! That is, a wee wee. The toilet.

So, at one point during my increasingly-disturbing travels I stopped off at a petrol station to ask two questions:

1. Where am I?
2. Which road am I on?

I figured that if I could find out the answer to these two simple enough questions, I could find my way again on the Google Maps thing I've got on my phone.

The girl at the till, well, quite helpfully in response to those two questions, she told me that my phone was nice.

I said "Yeah thanks, it is nice. So, which road am I on again?".

She said "I've got a Nokia phone but it's broken. I'm waiting for it to get fixed."

I said "Oh right. And the road we're on?"

She said "Well, it's not been too busy today so it hasn't."

I said "Oh, hasn't it? OK, so I've really not got much time here."

She said "Right, you're the first person I've seen here for a while."...

...This went on for some time.

About 5 minutes into this distracting chat with this mutant of a girl however, some huge guy in a yellow Council jacket came in to pay for his petrol. He was quite clearly reeking of booze despite his car being parked outside with his kids in it (I'm assuming they were his!).

He said, whilst spitting his chewing gum onto his hand, "Awright mate? Whaur ye headin?"

I said "I'm just looking to find out where I am mate, and which road I'm on."

He said, a little too interested and with a plainly threatening glint in his eye, "Aye, but where ye gaun?"

I said "Bellshill Industrial Estate."

He said "Och aye, the industrial estate? Aye, well, jist heid up the road ther, take a left an ye'll see a fermer's track. Jist heid alang ther for a few miles an it'll take ye right tae the estate."

OK, well that seemed easy enough, but having some echoing doubts about these directions I said nicely to the man in the least feminine voice I could muster, "Thanks mate, but which road are we on just now?"

He said, lowering the tone in his voice and staring straight into my eye, "Aye, jist take a left up ther and go up ra fermer's track."

Right then.

I backed away, squeaking timidly to both of them "Thanks. I've got to go now. See you later..."

They just stood there in silence, eyes glazed.

Something just seemed wrong with the entire scenario. It felt like I was being set up, delayed, the "locals" watching my every move on the CCTV camera. Waiting. Sharpening the best of their cutlery in anticipation.

So I finally escaped with my life thankfully intact, found my way to the depot, collected the mics, got home, exploded in the bathroom, took a stiff drink to calm the nerves, and tried for the rest of the night to make the recording software on my laptop recognise two mics. I gave up, so for now it'll have to be one mic between myself and Alan, but having tested it with Tracey (boy do I know how to show a girl a good time!) the quality seems to be OK anyway, well, aside that is, from the whiney voice.

So we're good to go, and we'll be recording the first episode tomorrow night. Once it's done I'll have the mp3 up as quickly as I can. You'll be able to download it directly from the website or at archive.org where all the episodes will be hosted. It'll also be available for download right here on the blog, on Feedburner, and once it's accepted, at iTunes as well.

Thanks for continuing to subscribe to the podcast, and I look forward to your thoughts once we're finally on our way.

In the meantime, after my Journey of Near Death, I'm off for some counselling.

The waiting continues...

You may be [insert here the word 'happy' or 'sad'] to hear that despite my incessant broken pining and scratching at the door, the microphones have yet to arrive.

My only guess is that someone at PC World, the magical wonder emporium from whom they've been ordered, has done some digging and found out for what purpose the mics are intended, and that in a feat of manic desperation has taken them home and buried them hurriedly in a mafia-esque shallow grave somewhere in the back yard, as would perhaps, a dog with a terrible secret.

Thanks for the great comments on the new image - the general consensus seems to be that those five minutes I spent creating it weren't a complete waste of time. Regarding the comments though, I've noted that more folks are preferring to comment via the website rather than here on the blog. Maybe it's because your name doesn't show up there, but please don't be shy, we'd be more than happy if you used the blog for posting your comments, good or bad.

We were hoping to record the first podcast tomorrow night, but if the microphones still fail to turn up I think instead we'll just have to make do with watching Great Britain slip further down the medals table at the Olympics. It's quite the spectacle for those who care!

I'll keep you posted.

So what to talk about...

Well, as I sit here like a sodden cabbage by the letterbox waiting for the microphones to arrive, my thoughts are beginning to turn towards what you might like to hear in our little podcasts.

Alan, now, you'll hear him rambling on about how tragic his life is in Glasgow, why he's turned to comedy to mask his inner turmoil, why his only hopes and dreams of hope lie in the impending subscriber stats for the podcast, why if no-one listens, or otherwise do listen and then listen no more as they're done listening to him and his unlistenable lists of grievances, those hopes and dreams will need to be consigned to the trash, along with the carpet in his flat that was damaged in a recent flood of tears.

So that leaves me.

Aside from attempting to curb Alan's regular flailing abuse of this and that, my initial plan is to steer the yapping around what's happening in Glasgow, the talking points in the City and why more than likely we don't care about them, nestled comfortably as we are in our lives of self-importance.

But I want to know what you'd like to hear. Anything at all and we'll give it a go, because whilst I'm absolutely certain that in time you'll cherish as you would a baby on your doorstep our narrow-minded, egocentric, poorly-researched view of the world, a view cloaked to invisibility so masterfully on my website, in actual fact we'd love to talk about what you want, because at the end of the day, we need you as a friend.

So comments and ideas would be much appreciated, and thanks again for continuing to subscribe even though we've not even recorded the first episode (Alan's positively brimming with happiness at this, so please don't pop his balloon!).

Cheersanawratbyrawayeh?

It's getting exciting!!

Since I put the last post up, I've also blogged about the new podcast on my website and have been receiving some encouraging messages even before we hit the ground running. We've already got some subscribers and I can't thank you all enough for that, although I really hope folks aren't too disappointed when they finally get to hear our pointless drivel!

Anywho, continuing on our arduous steps in preparation, the other night I finally got around to ordering some USB microphones to use on the podcast, so that at the very least, whilst our incessant chat may end up completely devoid of quality or anything approaching humour, at least it won't sound as though we're recording the thing whilst sharing a seat in the cludgie!

Once they arrive I'll have to work out how to record on Audacity with two mics, as the thought of speaking over one microphone only inches away from Alan has been keeping me awake for some time. And not in a good way.

I'll keep you posted, and if you've not done so already, subscribe away using the Feedburner link here, and if you feel the need once you've done so, a cleansing bath may rouse your mind back to sanity...