Wednesday, 13 August 2008

The mics are here - long live the mics!

Well, I've finally got my hands on the microphones.

(cue the charcoal gasps of disappointment...)

I ended up having to collect them yesterday evening at a depot in Bellshill, and having relied on Google maps (schoolboy error) got completely lost along the way. To be frank, taking a scenic tour of Cambuslang and Blantyre in the impending darkness isn't my idea of fun, not least because for the entire journey I was in dire need to go for a wee streamie! That is, a wee wee. The toilet.

So, at one point during my increasingly-disturbing travels I stopped off at a petrol station to ask two questions:

1. Where am I?
2. Which road am I on?

I figured that if I could find out the answer to these two simple enough questions, I could find my way again on the Google Maps thing I've got on my phone.

The girl at the till, well, quite helpfully in response to those two questions, she told me that my phone was nice.

I said "Yeah thanks, it is nice. So, which road am I on again?".

She said "I've got a Nokia phone but it's broken. I'm waiting for it to get fixed."

I said "Oh right. And the road we're on?"

She said "Well, it's not been too busy today so it hasn't."

I said "Oh, hasn't it? OK, so I've really not got much time here."

She said "Right, you're the first person I've seen here for a while."...

...This went on for some time.

About 5 minutes into this distracting chat with this mutant of a girl however, some huge guy in a yellow Council jacket came in to pay for his petrol. He was quite clearly reeking of booze despite his car being parked outside with his kids in it (I'm assuming they were his!).

He said, whilst spitting his chewing gum onto his hand, "Awright mate? Whaur ye headin?"

I said "I'm just looking to find out where I am mate, and which road I'm on."

He said, a little too interested and with a plainly threatening glint in his eye, "Aye, but where ye gaun?"

I said "Bellshill Industrial Estate."

He said "Och aye, the industrial estate? Aye, well, jist heid up the road ther, take a left an ye'll see a fermer's track. Jist heid alang ther for a few miles an it'll take ye right tae the estate."

OK, well that seemed easy enough, but having some echoing doubts about these directions I said nicely to the man in the least feminine voice I could muster, "Thanks mate, but which road are we on just now?"

He said, lowering the tone in his voice and staring straight into my eye, "Aye, jist take a left up ther and go up ra fermer's track."

Right then.

I backed away, squeaking timidly to both of them "Thanks. I've got to go now. See you later..."

They just stood there in silence, eyes glazed.

Something just seemed wrong with the entire scenario. It felt like I was being set up, delayed, the "locals" watching my every move on the CCTV camera. Waiting. Sharpening the best of their cutlery in anticipation.

So I finally escaped with my life thankfully intact, found my way to the depot, collected the mics, got home, exploded in the bathroom, took a stiff drink to calm the nerves, and tried for the rest of the night to make the recording software on my laptop recognise two mics. I gave up, so for now it'll have to be one mic between myself and Alan, but having tested it with Tracey (boy do I know how to show a girl a good time!) the quality seems to be OK anyway, well, aside that is, from the whiney voice.

So we're good to go, and we'll be recording the first episode tomorrow night. Once it's done I'll have the mp3 up as quickly as I can. You'll be able to download it directly from the website or at where all the episodes will be hosted. It'll also be available for download right here on the blog, on Feedburner, and once it's accepted, at iTunes as well.

Thanks for continuing to subscribe to the podcast, and I look forward to your thoughts once we're finally on our way.

In the meantime, after my Journey of Near Death, I'm off for some counselling.