Thursday, 29 January 2009

Glasgow goes pure Skype man

Continuing on this social networking rollercoaster, in the last week I've been working on bringing all you wacky listeners a little closer by downloading and learning all about Skype.

The long and the short of it is that we've now got a Skype account, and in a few days we'll have voicemail capability.

This means that pretty soon you'll be able to call our number if you have Skype (which is free to download) and a microphone on your computer, and leave a message which we'll be able to magically record and play during the show.

So start thinking about what you want us to yap about. Any questions, gripes about life, anything you like - at the very least, given the disaster that befell us on Tuesday for The Eleventh show, it'll mean we'll have something to fill up the time!

Once we're all up and running I'll let you all know the number to call.

Rrrrriiiiiing ring...

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

The Eleventh: "Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism"

It took the longest proper word in the English Dictionary to describe our shortest and worst episode to date, and by happy coincidence, the same word also describes an inherited disorder in which short stature may be present.

For two hours we droned on and on about such matters as Andy Murray's chances of winning the Australian Open having been cruelly sabotaged by Chris Hoy, the sadly poetic Coronation of Barack Obama, and whether Sooty, the close friend of Prince Charles, actually looks like the famous British hand puppet called Sooty.

It wasn't pretty. At one point, we even found ourselves singing 'Cover Girl' by New Kids on the Block. So to protest against two things, the UK media's incessant urge to talk us into recession, and the mass hysteria from our baying mob of listeners who seem convinced that we're nothing but comedy machines, we decided to wipe much of what we'd recorded and leave you simply with the introductory ramblings from two tired, aimless podcasters in need of a break.

Brought to you with the greatest of apologies, if you're reading this with the benefit of the image we put up, you'll see that for one night only, in the purest of tragicomic direction, laughter has left the building.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Eyes to the right

Just to make sure you're not missing the proper bo heatspots on the blog - all the subscription bits you need have now been updated to the right, and you can click on any one your heart desires to join our tragic cult.

Aside from the blog and website, we're now on MySpace, Facebook, iTunes (and all the other big podcast & blog directories), YouTube, Twitter, CafePress (yes folks, we even have our own shop now!), Cyberlosers, WeirdosOnline, TragicGamers and pretty much everywhere you look if you're into social networking.

OK, so some of those weren't real social networks. If someone created them though, you could bet your last penny that we'd be on there in a flash!

So there's no excuse for you not to spread the good word about us or miss any of our new shows. Keep sharing the whole thing with all your little online friends, and no doubt in a few years time when we're kicking it by the pool in L.A. before heading to collect our Grammy, we'll give you a mention and thank you for all your support in those comedically-dark, early days.

My speech would begin with "Ladies and Gentlemen, this one's for Alan. I'm sure his family would be proud...".

Sunday, 25 January 2009

Christmas Gravestones and The Godfather

A For the Love of G...lasgow "Comedy" Podcast Production. In our first audio picture podcast on Youtube, we discuss the Christmas presents of rope, paracetemol, headstones and the gift of life, and then act out an as yet unreleased, director's cut scene in The Godfather, with a cat. Yeah yeah, I know it's just been taken from The Tenth - whatever!

Thursday, 22 January 2009

The end of Tommy Sheridan

Well, he is no more, that Tommy Sheridan.

Last night he was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother House, admitting that he'd only entered it to pay for his ongoing Law Degree.

If you switched over from the Davina McCall interview with Scotland's true socialist leader, you would have witnessed the remaining members of the House lamenting his departure, and discussing in great detail for two and a half hours whether socialism has a place in the show.

I engaged particularly with Vern Troyer's assessment of the economic consequences of introducing a system of direct collective ownership of their weekly food budget via the formation of the Anarchic Housemates Council. At one point, Vern, a staunch libertarian marxist, challenged Coolio (real name Leon "laissez-faire" Ivey) to repeat his accusation that a centrally-planned system of budget organisation mirrored in a free market economy would best serve the interests of the House. In response, Coolio picked up Vern from the floor and threw him in the trash.

The end of a tiresome evening's debate - oor Tommy would be proud.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Inauguration Blues

Let's sing those Inauguration Blues!

It came and it went, we now have a President
Obama's his name, stumblin' oaths is his game

etc. etc.

All that colour, all the hope, the God-fearing joy in the streets, all that promise. It was quite a spectacle. But then I switched over from Friends and watched the Inauguration.

And now it's over. For some it was over as soon as they wheeled out the random poet after the oaths had been taken - 'yeah yeah, we've seen enough' - I loved the telling, professional wipe between camera shots, firstly on the poet looking whimsically down the Mall, lingering a moment before pouring from her heart the words she'd contemplated so proudly since she was asked to do the gig, and then the shot fades to the swarm of people walking in the other direction.

Who needs poetry in this day and age?

Or was the crowd's sudden urge to bolt away brought on by the President's compelling speech, the refuelled desire to get to work without delay, to fix the world as soon as possible?

My guess is that they were only there to see yer man taking office, and that once he did, they could go back to their lives on the understanding that he'll fix it all for them. Maybe I'm reading it wrong though. Maybe the world will act on his words and take responsibility for itself, and I genuinely hope it does.

Meantime however, I'll go back to singin' the blues, that old time favourite about the day the world crowned a new King, and whose first act wasn't to suspend trials in Guantanamo, no siree, but instead to chill out listening to his new Court Jesters and his podcast of choice.

Ah, the ol' Change You Can Believe In For the Love Of G...lasgow Song...

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Obama, our Scottish Hero

It's been over a week now since I last hit the New Post button, following Alan's powerful, if slightly vampish, rant in the last show about the blog.

But I couldn't hold back any longer, given this momentous day in history, when Barack "Oh Dear God Alex Salmond I Know I Have Scottish Roots So Please Get Over It Because I'd Prefer To Ignore It And No I Will Not Be Attending Your Pathetic Invite To The Scottish Homecoming Dinner And Support Your Fight For Independence Because I Have More Important Things To Do Like Buy A New Dog And Run A Country" Obama is anointed as The Chosen One, The Saviour Of Us All in Washington D.C. later on today.

OK, so that was a whole load of unnecessary capital letters, but if you were to take a casual glance at every TV channel and website the world over, you'd come to understand pretty quickly that the anointing of The Chosen One has been touted as quite a big deal, big enough to push news to one side for yet another day.

Now here's a thing though - I didn't vote for the man, and I'll tell you why:

I'm Scottish.

If I wasn't Scottish however, and instead I was a True Citizen of the Americas, don't get me wrong - I'm sure I would have voted for the man. Whilst I remember the spin and subsequent illegality from the Bush and Blair Administrations, and the spin and jazzily ignored failures of the Clinton Administration, I've still a little hope left inside me that the concept of 'Change' being plastered like a father's promise on every billboard from Hollywood to Holyrood on the back of The Chosen One's election, will actually come to bear fruit all around the world.

It's just that, my gut feeling is that over the coming years, some folks might have to calm the beans about the whole thing, that, as has happened since public relation politics were first created, vomited painfully from the stomachs of weasel elitists, at some point all the shiny gloss we're desperately pawing at might begin to flake off bit by bit, exposing underneath the life we've actually been living.

Either way, arrabest big fulla - here's hoping your tenure will change us all for the better.

And hey, I think all this talk of change is already starting to have an effect on my life. Just this morning I was watching on the news the preparations for the inauguration, all those thousands of happy people descending on the Mall with sloganised fervour in their eyes, and I thought to myself, 'I wonder if Everybody Loves Raymond's on the other channel?'.

Change indeed.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

The Tenth: "Resolutions"

The Tenth: "Resolutions".

In this, our tenth and, for the first time ever, unedited conversation about life and death, we welcome in 2009 after everyone else has already moved on.

Topics covered include how we celebrated the celebrations of Christmas and Hogmanay, Mr Matey bubble baths, the birth of Mrs. Santa Claus Jesus of Nazareth, the true identities of the Celebrity Big Brother contestants, our slightly disturbing resolutions for the New Year, and Scott's dad skating on thin ice. There's also an all-encompassing Quiz of 2008 thrown in together with some wacky new features, so Happy New Year to all of our good-looking listeners and keep on truckin.

Thursday, 8 January 2009

The Fall and Rise of an Empire

Yesterday I managed to track down those lost words my increasingly huffy laptop had taken from us on Tuesday evening.

However, ecstatic as I was in reaching the understanding that as a result we wouldn't need to record most of our 10th show all over again, the good times ended when I realised that my computer had chosen to break up those 30 minutes of comedy gold into 241 separate temporary files, fragmented and spread apart like the inevitably tragic end of a weary Empire, so if we wanted to use them again we'd have to piece them back together one by one.

I'm beginning to think my laptop doesn't value our work.

So when we (hopefully) complete and upload the show on Sunday, if our voices sound a little strained to you, or at the very least as though they've been torn to sinewy shreds in an epic battle and sutured carefully again as one, you might come to recognise and hail our historic victory, the bitter war from which we've emerged victorious against an extremely persistent and electronic foe.

We'll rebuild that Empire yet...

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

The Millennium Bug

It's taken a while.

Some thought that the Y2K Bug was going to happen at the advent of the year 2000. It didn't.

Instead, it seems to have finally worked its way into my laptop, and as a result, having recorded about 30 minutes of our tenth episode tonight, we've just lost everything.

Some might say that this is a Godsend. Having attempted to start again following such scunnerment, I think we'd tend to agree with that.

So I'm afraid the next show will have to wait until Sunday, when we'll pull ourselves up from our proverbials and give it another go.

All the best in the meantime - I'm off to bed!

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Happy New One An Awrat

Arrabest for 2009.

Thanks for all the great comments while I was away, and I'm looking forward to more of the same as the year rolls on.

The festive break was pretty much nothing like any I've ever had before, having spent most of the time in hospital after my Goddaughter was born on Christmas Day (no, she ain't called SheJesus!), and then having headed over to a cold but totally Guinness-fuelled Galway for the bells.

A few weeks I'll never forget, but what an end to 2008!

So this is just a wee note to get me back up to speed with this newly blogospheric life I'm trying to come to terms with. We'll be recording this year's first sparkly episode of the podcast on Tuesday, once I've managed to track down the festively-erstwhile Alan that is, and hope to have it live online for the pleasure of your ears and brain at some point on Wednesday.

Cheers for now...