Please remember Alan

Happy Birthday Alan.

A tribute to this fine lad, to the tune of The Billy Boys:

Alan
Alan
He's 24 today

Alan
Alan
We hope that he's OK

Had it up to here with podcasting
Been missing since the last show

Oh Alan please come home if you're not dead.

It's a song his parents taught me last week after they'd had a family meeting. They wanted me to spread the word, in the faint hope that Alan might turn his life around, that one day he might tear himself from the streets and come home.

If you're out there mate, if you're reading this, please understand how much your parents love you, how much the listeners of the podcast love you, how much we all love you, and maybe if you understand this, you'll find your way back to happiness once more.

We're holding a vigil for you tonight lad. It's outside your flat. I'll be there with your family, together with some of your old friends from the Glasgow Tweetup, and we'll sing this song with hope in our hearts until you come back, or at least until you show us you're alive by calling the police to get us arrested.

I've lit a candle for you buddy.

Metallica rocked the SECC Glasgow

At one point James Hetfield, the lead singer of Metallica, punched his fist in the air and asked everyone who were witnessing the band for the first time to put their hand in the air.

Most of the audience put their hands in the air.

Then he asked the veterans of Metallica to do the same, those who'd followed them for years.

Most of the audience put their hands in the air.

That's Glasgow all over!

We might have a reputation for turning up to the opening of an envelope just for a drink and to let off some steam, but whatever motivated most folks to go to the Metallica gig last night at the SECC Glasgow, as far as I'm concerned, the band repayed that motivation with distinction.

I had a petrifying fear that this gig, and our undoubted fame for being one of the most fiersome audiences in the world, might have been ruined again by the number of mobile phones and cameras being held up to capture the event, all the YouTubes and Twitterettes interested more in watching than in continuing the Glasgwegian tradition of getting stuck right in and making noise.

To be honest, my fear was that I'd be embarrassed for Glasgow. But thankfully, my fear crumbled as soon as the band took the stage after Machinehead had whipped us all to a frenzy, and I found myself once again immersed in wave after never-ending wave of energy. OK, so I've no longer got the long hair, the dark soul I had in my teens, but who really cares, because for a few hours at least last night, the air guitar came back out and once again I became the Goth my parents hated.

Absolutely loved it!

The Fifteenth: "Justice"

The Fifteenth: "Justice".

As our exhilarating new intro tells you, this one's about NHS Scotland's sponsorship of Alan's Alcohol Pledge, the suspicious change in Josef Fritzl's plea, what Alan was caught doing when the Google Street Gang came a-calling, why this podcast isn't as good as another podcast we talk about, Alan and Scott going to the Michael Jackson gig dressed as Michael Jackson and Bubbles, and more, yes more nonsense along these lines.

There's also some musical interluding from Glasgow's fine outfit the Last Corinthians (www.myspace.com/thelastcorinthians), and some discussion about forthcoming Tweetups, 23rd birthdays and Godfatherdays. Oh, and it's another short one, so that's good.

What's missing in your life?

I'm guessing that it's episode 15 of the podcast.

More than likely I'm completely incorrect about that, but either way we'll be recording it tonight. Expect nothing less than another 50 minutes about Alan's Alcohol Pledge for Scotland, and some genuine insight into the privacy issues underlying the UK's new Google Maps Street View tool.

We might also yap on about Friend of the Show, Josef Fritzl.

So you've still got time to send us your comments for us to read out on the show. Just comment on this post or if you'd prefer, hit the Skype button to the right of the blog and leave us a free voicemail on our fortheloveofglasgow account.

What do you think about Google Street View?
What do you think about our Mr. Fritzl?

The new show will be available tomorrow here, on iTunes and everywhere else we've sneaked our way into. Thanks for listening

SOLD OUT - U2 Tickets Hampden Glasgow

OK, so this morning was pretty crazy.

Clicked onto Ticketmaster to buy some U2 tickets for their gig at Hampden Park Glasgow in August. This was at about 8.57am. Managed to grab some successfully. Happened to look again for more tickets just out of interest, this at about 9.04am. Sold out.

Right now I can just feel the industrial buzz of activity on eBay, as dozens of new pages begin to appear offering those not quick enough off the mark this morning another chance for tickets, this time at a hefty premium.

I wonder what it'd feel like to be Mr. Bono or Boaby the Edge at such moments. I can only imagine that it'd involve, at the very least, sitting in a jacuzzi, sipping liquid gold and being fed real-time updates on how much money is flowing in. That, and a whole lotta Guinness.

I think I'll ask them when I see them in August.

Glasgow on Google Maps Street Level

OK, so it's roasting outside in Glasgow right now, but here's me twiddling about indoors with my computer again.

Someone on Twitter just introduced me to the new (it's probably not new) street level map view on Google. Check it out on Google Maps.

I've been passing the hours therefore, going up and down the street I live on and checking out the rest of Glasgow. It really is outstanding that you can view everything now rather than from just the bird's eye view.

Going on holiday? Want to know what a walk around George Square or Sauchiehall Street would be like? Get a feel for the area instead of just flicking through some photos of it.

Superb or what?!!

That said, the only place in Glasgow that doesn't appear to be on the map is at Alan's flat. When you do a search for it there just seems to be a black space with a skull & crossbones sign over it. Not sure why though.

Tam Cowan on YouTube

I'm off to see Tam Cowan tomorrow night at the Theatre Royal in Glasgow as part of the Magners Glasgow International Comedy Festival. Here's a wee flavour of what I should expect. No doubt I'll be nicking his jokes and re-telling them (badly) in the next episode of the podcast!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I hope your plans for today involve nothing but sinking Guinness, dancing the Irish jig all day without rest, and singing at the top of your voice in the best Irish accent you can muster, because yes you guessed it, it's Saint Paddy's Day once again.

That said, Alan revealed the true history of this fine day of celebration a few shows back. Basically, if you want to celebrate the day properly, that is, in the spirit of genuine historical reflection, then the first thing you should do today is to dive into a pet shop and buy some snakes. The second thing you should do once you've bought the snakes is to release them. And the third thing you should do once you've bought the snakes and released them is to chase them about a bit.

Now, if you do that whilst at the same time sinking your Guinness, dancing the Irish jig and singing at the top of your voice in the best Irish accent you can muster, then - and only then - will you have given due deference to Big Paddy.

He'll be watching...

It's all about change these days

In the coming days and weeks you might notice a few changes in the wind, and when I say "wind", I really mean "the blog and podcast".

Just a few technical alterations to help us stretch more into cyberspace and get noticed by more humans. They don't know it yet, but we're after them. I hope they're ready.

In the meantime, we've secured another independent Glasgow music guest (The Last Corinthians) to play on our next show, which is a really exciting step on our overtly dangerous path to copy minute by minute the entire format of Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.

I promise one day we'll get there.

The Fourteenth: "Noses"

The Fourteenth: "Noses".

This is our hotly-anticipated first ever Comic Relief Special. In it, there's stuff about Comic Relief. And about alcoholics and their red noses, which we link to Comic Relief. Alan receives some interesting charitable pledges via one of his growing number of websites dedicated to his hatred of Scott, and in this same Comic Relief spirit of violence we discuss the need for different versions of the I.R.A. and what Glaswegians might think of all the chalk outlines of bodies appearing on their streets in recent weeks.

We also introduce our first musical guest from Glasgow, the haunting Chris Flew, and give you another one of Alan's deeply insightful reviews of the Watchmen movie. Keep those pledges coming...

Our Comic Relief Special

I bet you can't wait.

Never mind Friday's packed show involving a host of "celebrities" pretending tragically to be apprentices or skilled at dancing. As you'll know by now, we've got Mr. T, and tonight we'll be recording our own Comic Relief Special Podcast. All going well, it should be available tomorrow and I'll let you know once it's up.

Be prepared to learn the real story behind Red Nose Day.

Be prepared to listen to Mr. T pity the fools who think it's all about the kids and the sick.

JUST BE PREPARED!...

The Killers at SECC Glasgow

Superb gig on Friday night.

Turned up. Had a hotdog. Tomato sauce & mustard. Watched Louis XIV tear it up as usual (although I prefer them in a smaller venue as they're not yet used to the big stage). Then watched the Killers, your man Flowers beginning to look more comfortable on stage.

And I watched the p*ss getting taken out of a guy in front of us, as he was dancing like the Bear in the Big Blue House. And then there was a technical fault when the background track stopped. And then I jumped on stage and talked about For The Love of G...lasgow. And then the crowd boo'd and I was beaten up by security staff. And then I had another hotdog. And then your man Flowers thanked the crowd for being the best in the world. And then I said "you're welcome", but he didn't hear me. And then I went home.

You know, just the usual.

Gigs in Glasgow just can't be beaten. Take away all the nonses who miss half the gig trying to catch it on their mobile phones, the YouTubes, and they'd be perfect. I've written about this before on the site. Coming up in Glasgow I've got Metallica, Joe Bonamassa, U2, Bruce Springsteen and whole load of smaller gigs in between.

This is why in these here parts they call me The Great Glaswegian Man of Music.

They don't really though.

Twittermenot!

As I suggested on Twitter yesterday, I think I've become addicted to Twittering.

The opening of TweetDeck even before the computer warms up in the morning, the tingling rush of blood when I see some @replies and DMs, during the day when I catch in the corner of my eye the little notification window that opens with every tweet, instinctively turning my head to lap up what banal tripe's being discussed, the last check on dabr on my mobile phone before I close my eyes at night.

It's turned out to be an addiction.

I've found myself thinking in 140 characters. Whenever I see anything, anything, I feel the need to tell people. The other day I had to use every little scrap of energy I had left to stop myself posting a tweet that would've humiliated me for life. It was about soup.

So as I posted on Twitter yesterday, I'm taking some time off. Initially it was supposed to be only for this weekend, but I think I'll try and extend it until at least Wednesday of next week when I hope to be uploading our new episode of the podcast.

No doubt I'll get the sweats, the tears, the delirious urge simply to click on that birdy icon. I've already been wondering whether anyone's sent me a direct message or replied to me, and how many more people are now following me. I don't think the founding fathers of Twitter understood the dire consequences of what they were doing when they created the whole thing, how much pain it would reduce so many once concentrated and driven humans to.

My plan is to overcome the addiction. This is a Twittervention. My name is Scott, and I'm a Twitterholic. I plan to cleanse myself of the need to tweet, and with the help of my growing legions of followers who I hope will understand, I will return as the man I once was. I will learn to channel my energy and focus my priorities. I will post tweets only when I need to or if I have the time. I will no longer put aside work, real world relationships, food or comic books to update my status online. I will no longer speak to people only if their name starts with @.

I have shamed myself, but I will come through this, and if you're like me, if you want to join me in this treacherous journey towards a fresh inner calm, then together we will survive. So God Bless my followers, God Bless Tweehab and God Bless the United States of America!

Easy peasy ways to donate to Comic Relief Red Nose Day 2009

How easy was that?!!

This morning I donated £1 by simply texting the word CLIMB to 88808. This number was set up by BBC Radio 1 and is in support of the epic climb of Mount Kilimanjaro by Chris Moyles, Gary Barlow and crew, which in turn has been organised to raise money for this year's Red Nose Day on 13th March.

They do all the work, I send in one little text without any need to even break sweat, and Comic Relief gets some money just like that. Easy peasy, and I recommend that you do the same, or donate some of your spare cash on the Red Nose Day Site.

Next year, we hope to be popular enough to raise some cash ourselves. That said, when I put this suggestion to Alan though, he asked if that meant we could keep the cash.

I said "No, our listeners would donate by going onto the Red Nose Day Site, and Comic Relief would get the money".

He said "Then I ain't doing it".

So I said "But what about the starving kids, the vulerable folks in the UK and abroad that would benefit from the money we raised?".

He said "Who cares about them? Charity starts at home. I'm so poor that I watch TV on my Etch-a-Sketch. I'm so poor that last week I was caught trying to use my food stamps in a candy machine. I'm so poor I hang my toilet paper out to dry. So what about me? Eh? What about people like me?".

I said "Alan, if you're that poor then Comic Relief could help you".

He said "Aye, well, ah'm no laughin'!".

I said "Well you will be on 13th March, because that's when Red Nose Day is."

He said "OK then, I think I'll watch that".

I said "Yeah, that's a good idea".

He said "Right, and how do you donate money for this Red Nose Day?".

I said "Well you would go onto the Red Nose Day Site and Comic Relief would get the money".

He said "So they'd get the money?".

I said "Yes".

He said "And we wouldn't get it?".

I said "That's right."

He said "Then I ain't doing it."...

...And the conversation went on from there really. We may come to an agreement about doing something for Comic Relief at some point before Red Nose Day 2010 therefore, and if we do we'll let you know!

Chris Flew from Glasgow

That's my subtle attempt at humour there.

As you all know, I've been getting pretty immersed in Twitter in recent weeks (if you've done so, thanks for following me in the process...if you've not, feel free by clicking the link), and as I've been learning what it all means, how it can fit into my already tragic life, I've noticed that it's opened up for me a few doors I'd have missed completely had I not been tweeting away.

A prime example is Chris Flew. Never heard of the man. But yesterday I saw him twittering away, clicked his profile link, saw he was this independent musician from Glasgow, listened to the songs he has on his site, loved them, and now here I am, yapping about him on a comedy blog.

If you like Elliott Smith (which I do) or Arab Strap (which I do), I'd thoroughly recommend that you fire on over to his website to listen to some samples, and I've also added him to my library on Last.fm you can link to from this blog. If you don't like Smith & Strap, head on over either way and you might be surprised. Like those two, Chris' music is pretty easy listening, but at the same time haunting and a little disturbed - just my kinda thang and perfect to chillax to at the end of a hard day!

For me, a real find and another example of Glasgow's unparalleled prowess in the independent music scene today. Here's hoping you agree & that he has some gigs coming up soon.