Monday, 2 February 2009

It's raining. "Naw it's snow".

Snow fell.
Snow fell heavily.
Snow fell heavily everywhere.
Snow fell heavily everywhere again.

Gritters dispersed.
Gritters dispersed quickly.
Gritters dispersed quickly everywhere.
Gritters dispersed quickly everywhere again.

Except in England...

...which was caught staring into the headlights once again as a result of which Scotland becomes disconnected from the world because London's airports which serve over 50% of the UK's flights and Southern England's public transport networks all fail to grasp what basic things need to be done when they see the same weather forecasts everyone else takes heed of and once again the London-centric news channels all watch the snow land on their little unprepared heads and react as quickly as the village idiot as though the world's about to end whilst the rest of the UK just gets on with it why does this happen every time it snows why is it that a nation disturbingly obsessed with weather reports crumples into a shivering wreck whenever the temperature falls below that desired for barbeques I think I know the answer it's all about the credit crunch our all powerful overlord elite who run and ruin our world enjoying not only a good weather report with its cheerful assessment of our impending turbulent doom and its pointless chatter about altocumulus castellanus but also the inane lazy journalism consistently displayed in the current economic climate that's talked us into recession so why not dictate from above that despite the imminent snowfall the gritters are to remain at the depot so that no-one can get to work and the economy continues its decline tracked with crayons by a tunnel-vision media until weary from all this weather and all these stories of financial pain we step up to the polling station and vote in the Conservatives.

I've had it. I'm off to chuck snowballs at vulnerable kids.